Perusing online profiles is now my second job.

I don’t hesitate to scrutinize profiles with anyone, anywhere. My friends, my boss, my friend’s boss – I literally want to browse for men All. The. Time. There are so many profiles. Have you seen naked guy on a unicorn? I know. But he’s British so it sort of makes sense. I’m also surprised by how many people have the word “taco” in their user name. Why do that? You’re gross, quit it.

Last week, I finally got a message from someone cute (!) with a career (!!) and decent taste in music (!!!). His profile doesn’t say exactly what he does for a living, and I’m quite explicit about what I do on mine, so I felt like it was fair game, in my response, to ask him about his career. Apparently I hit a nerve: “Showing your hand a bit that occupation is your first question”. Um, excuse me? What is that supposed to mean? Am I a gold-digger because I want to know what you do for 8-10 hours of your day? My job certainly informs the kind of person I am, why would he be any different?

Needless to say I’m offended. However, the cuteness-to-offensiveness scale is balanced in his favour so I let it slide with a “oh, you’re feisty,” just so he knows that shit has not gone unnoticed.

We trade messages over the next few days and he lightens up a bit. He actually gives me compliments and says I’m too good for him (that’s more like it). He even sends a goodnight message and calls me “button.” Oh, he’s good.

I’m going to Hawaii in a few days but I figure it’s better to meet him before I leave so if it’s horrible then I don’t have to spend my vacation anticipating something that’s going to eventually suck. We decide to meet the night before I leave and the date goes until 2am. At one point he reveals his ideal Christmas would be alone in a strip club. I really don’t buy this. This just seems like he’s trying to be eccentric. He also says he buys his pants at Le Chateau, which I do believe because let’s be honest, why would you brag about that? He seems like a bit of a contradiction. But a really cute contradiction.

We head to another bar. The waitress comes over and he orders a drink she’s unfamiliar with but he’s had one there before. I’ve never seen a woman so intent on filling an order. She goes so far as to ASK FOR HIS NUMBER right in front of me. It’s under the guise of getting to the bottom of what’s in the drink, but, COME ON LADY, who are you trying to fool?  Anyway, we end up at his place. We weren’t far and he suggested a drink, nothing more.

We sit in his living room listening to music with his head in my lap, hardly talking. It’s like a Sofia Coppola movie. Together, but alone. Is this by design? Is he trying to seem deep and mysterious? We hug goodbye and when I get home there’s an email waiting from him. He says it is a shame our date wasn’t longer! He also apologizes for grabbing my ass upon exit, which I unfortunately didn’t feel due to my puffy coat. He most likely just grabbed a handful of down, but still. I’m leaving for vacation in a few hours so I try to quell my excitement and go to bed. I realize I’m letting his cuteness get the better of me, but I tell myself to shut up and have fun.

A couple days go by and I decide to write him a message confirming my arrival and the fact that I’m super excited to pick up a new ukulele (insert hipster joke here). He writes back that he would be “enamored and impressed” if I would learn “Tonight you belong to me” and attaches Steve Martin and Bernadette Peters’ version from The Jerk. It’s an adorable song and I accept the challenge. I know. This is probably a mistake. I learn the song relatively quickly and record a version with me singing. Correction. I record several versions and stress myself out until I annoy everyone in the apartment (myself included). I can barely look as I click send. After a few agonizing hours he writes back, and he likes it (phew!). I’ve secured another date for when I get back.

We make plans to meet Friday night. I go to a friend’s place first and proceed to drink an entire bottle of wine. My friends take my phone away from me until I can coherently tell them what/who I’m writing. I have great friends.

We decide to meet at a place not far away and I arrive early. Thank god he didn’t have to see me teeter my way into the booth. We have a couple drinks and somehow end up back at my place, but not before I forget my brand new phone on the table. A girl who I mistake as a waitress brings it out to me on the street (bless her heart) I find this out later as I run into her at an art opening and she calls me out for being a hot mess (accepted).

Anyway, we’re back at my place making out and we fall asleep. I wake up and poof, we’re naked, though I know we didn’t have sex. He grabs my hand and puts it on his dick. Actually, pretty impressed with what he’s got going on there. I proceed to try and seduce him (ya, use your imagination there folks) and he stops me…?  Wuh? He says no, I’m flustered and say “well, I’m not sure I have a condom anyway” and he says in a most condescending tone “Oh I don’t use condoms”. Again, wuh? So I suggest we go for breakfast but he wants to make-out some more. I have to wonder…is he riddled with disease? Is he super religious? Is he a pre-mature ejaculator? What are the reasons for not wanting to sleep with me when we’re RIGHT THERE. And why, for the love of god, don’t I just ask him?

After we get dressed he says he better be going and awkwardly shakes my hand. I look puzzled (as one would). He then moves closer to the door and begins unraveling his earphones and proceeds to ramble. In the course of 30 seconds he admits that his prototype woman is Morticia Adams, and his ideal sounding mate is somewhere between Jennifer Tilly and Joey Lauren Adams. He gives me a lengthy kiss and walks out. What the what, just happened? I obviously laugh because it’s kind of nuts. Jennifer Tilly and Joey Lauren Adams have the MOST annoying voices. How can his taste be justified? And further, I don’t sound like them nor do I look like Morticia Adams. Oh, and he made it clear it was not Angelica Houston but the original, Carolyn Jones. I am quite certain that he wasn’t joking either, if that’s what you’re thinking. Is this more of him trying to seem interesting, or is he legitimately this weird? I still want to find out and so I send him a text the next day saying I had a good time, blah blah. I never hear from him again.

All I can think now is that this guy still has a recording of me – thank god it wasn’t a video.

Positive Negative, an artist-run gallery on Chinatown’s Columbia block, packs the room (and often the sidewalk out front) every month with clever shows that highlight local and international art and design talent—tonight’s opening will be no exception.

Lost in the City is a collection of photographs that portray the experience of navigating life in Canadian cities. Curated by Ben Knight, creator of DontLook printshop, with the help of local photographer Lauren Zbarsky, the show features ten artists from Vancouver and Victoria who explore issues of identity, control, knowledge, and reality within the chaos of a metropolis.

For Knight, it’s all in the details. He screen-printed each piece by hand onto a custom panel of sealed mahogany wood; each will be available for only $60.

Lost in the City opens tonight, Thursday, March 21, with a party at 7:00 PM (all are welcome), and runs until April 6.

Lost in the City
Positive Negative (436 Columbia)
March 21st-April 6
Opening party March 21st, 7PM-11PM
RSVP here 

Dress Rehearsal at the Cultch

Part Family Channel Movie, part Team America, and part Much Dance ’95, Broken Sex Doll delivers everything you’d expect from a “sci-fi musical sex comedy” (yes, you read that right).

Broken Sex Doll, written by Andy Thompson with music by Anton Lipovetsky, is essentially a Britney Spears inspired orgy with original music, nuanced humour, robots, and a spectacular cast.

Now this may sound crazy, and it is, but Broken Sex Doll is set the year 2136, where our culture of incessant sharing is still present, but amplified. Humans and alternate beings (such as robot sex dolls, cyborgs, and androids) are able to share sensory experiences called feelies. Sort of like 4D YouTube, these experiences can be purchased and the top “feelie stars” reap rewards and popularity.

In this world, the King (Neezar) is a rock star who consistently produced top rated feelies. Inhabitants are so over stimulated by feelies they can download that they have grown tired of their own mundane lives. But as advanced as feelie are, the technology has not been able to capture the final sense – touch.

That is until Darryl (Benjamin Elliot) goes in for some routine upgrades and meets Ginger (Gili Roskies), a sex robot and his nurse. Darryl asks her out to dinner to give his new implants a test drive. They end up recording a feelie of their theatrically hilarious intimate moments. Immediately skyrocketing into feelie fame, Darryl and Ginger have somehow created a feelie that finally captures touch.

Their feelie, fittingly called “That’s amazing,” beats out all of The Kings feelies and excites (double entendre intended) everyone who watches it. “That’s amazing” becomes such a sensation that people are keen to find out who this everyday guy, Darryl, really is.

With original musical numbers underscoring the humour and naughtiness of the performance, this musical separates itself from the typical cheesy musical feel. The only way the songs could’ve been better, is if they were performed live. Live accompaniment would have amped up the energy of this already extroverted performance.

photos c/o Bettina Strauss

This is the play you wished you could see when you were 13 and would do anything to convince your parents to let you. Combining elements of naughtiness and vulgarity while still maintaining the plot and original musical numbers, this musical delivers a bit of the “can I really be watching this in public?!” feeling. Not recommended for children (or tweens) and definitely NSFW, Broken Sex Doll does seem to limit itself in terms of audience due to the nature of the content. Not exactly something you’d bring the kids to, the performance’s crude (and in my opinion, hilarious) jokes about anything and everything related to sex, an older crowd may not be drawn to the Beavis and Butthead bluntness found throughout the performance.

That being said, the music was impressive, the cast was strong (notably the best part of this production), and the digital elements highlighted, rather than detracted, from the minimalist modular set. Running a bit to long for my liking, clocking in over an hour and a half, Broken Sex doll could have condensed some of the scenes to increase it’s punchiness.

Broken Sex Doll is a dose of something different. A great step forward for theatre that isn’t exactly typical, this performance will definitely leave you satisfied.

Broken Sex Doll runs until March 24th at the Cultch. Tick­ets at thecultch.com or call 604.251.1363

In the lead-up to Sad Mag’s epic com­edy night, Laugh/Cry, on March 16th, which is TOMORROW (!), Sad Mag published a series of inter­views with some fine and funny people. Our comic line-up features some of Vancouver’s most notable, potable comedians. But when the interview pressure is on, who really delivered? Hereforto: the Best of the Best…

Best “Why I Became a Comic” Story… Alistair Cook!

Darren Li: Is it true you had a spon­sor and were plan­ning on becom­ing a pro­fes­sional snow­boarder, until you broke your leg? 

Alistair Cook: I was a young man in high school [and] I took drama instead of phys­i­cal edu­ca­tion when I was in reha­bil­i­ta­tion, and found that act­ing gave me an excit­ing adren­a­line rush equal to the rush I expe­ri­enced while snowboarding.

Best Inauguration into the print pages of Sad Mag… Tegan Verheul!

Carmen Faye Mathes: How were you involved in Sad Mag’s Glam­our Issue?

Tegan Verheul: I got to be in a real cool photo shoot with some of my favourite local come­di­ans and they made me look much pret­tier than I do in real life. You can’t tell, but I’m wear­ing a corset and it hurt so much that any time I laughed I also cried.

Best Quin­tes­sen­tial Van­cou­ver moment… Ivan Decker! (as told to Maegan Thomas)

I was walk­ing through Gas Town on the way to Water­front sta­tion. It was a cold rainy day in Novem­ber. Tourists were tak­ing pic­tures of the steam clock and the 12 o’clock cruise ship horn that sounds like the open­ing chords of “O Canada” could be heard over the hus­tle and bus­tle of home­less peo­ple ask­ing for money to look after the cars of peo­ple park­ing and cab dri­vers honk­ing at every­one and everything.

I had just pur­chased a 16 oz Amer­i­cano from an inde­pen­dent cof­fee shop and scoffed slightly as I walked by Star­bucks with my unmarked cup proudly dis­played in front of me. As I arrived at the steam clock I became annoyed by the amount of peo­ple block­ing the side­walk to pho­to­graph a rather unre­mark­able out­door grand­fa­ther clock. I decided to try to avoid the crowd by dart­ing in between a tree and a line of news­pa­per boxes fea­tur­ing var­i­ous pub­li­ca­tions con­tain­ing pop cul­ture non­sense and sudoku puzzles.

As I stepped on the metal grate that cov­ered the tree roots I real­ized very quickly that painted metal coated in rain water didn’t exactly have the trac­tion to sup­port my cur­rent speed and direc­tion. Before I could make any math­e­mat­i­cal adjust­ments to my travel how­ever, I hit the ground so hard that every­one around stopped what they were doing and looked just in time to see me throw my pre­ten­tious cof­fee across the street, nar­rowly miss­ing a bike courier. I quickly apol­o­gized to every­one and attempted to untan­gle my head­phones from my scarf as I hur­ried away to get on the sky train with­out pay­ing for a ticket.

It was embar­rass­ing at first but then I real­ized I’m prob­a­bly inter­net famous on some sort of Korean “Fail Blog” equiv­a­lent.

Most enviable future plans… Andy Kallstrom!

Carmen Faye Mathes: What are you most excited about right now?

Andy Kallstrom: Gen­er­ally: That guy who wants to send a retired cou­ple to Mars.

Per­son­ally: There’s a good chance I’m mov­ing to Eng­land soon.

Best use of organic consumables in a comic role… Rachel Burns!

Jackie Hoffart: If the com­edy of Rachel Burns was a bas­ket at whole foods, what would be inside?

Rachel Burns: I’d say there would be some com­fort foods – maybe a chick­pea curry; some­thing that will make you feel secure and also full but not stuffed. Def­i­nitely an item with incon­gru­ent pack­ag­ing, like tofu with a pen­guin on the out­side. A dented egg­plant that you kind of feel sorry for, but not enough to send it back. Some­thing you’ll never actu­ally use but you bought impul­sively, like a giant bag of organic pine nuts. Dried beans that you’ll never get around to soaking—even though you promised your natur­opath you would do it, over and over again.

Best rendition of an audience seduction… Cameron MacLeod!

Maegan Thomas: What’s Cam MacLeod expe­ri­ence?

Cameron MacLeod: At the return of the HERO show I opened the show by seduc­ing the audi­ence with Roses, cheese­burg­ers and shots of Blue Alize to the song “Thinkin bout you” by Frank Ocean. That’s about as close to the Cam MacLeod expe­ri­ence as you can get.

…and finally, dare we do it? Funniest response?! Let’s ask the audience: Who do you think deserves to take the cake?

Ivan Decker

Who are you? What’s the Ivan Decker experience?
My name is Ivan Decker, I am a stand up comedian from Vancouver. I’ve been fortunate to have the pleasure of opening for some big name comics to sold out crowds at the River Rock Theatre. Which is amazing. Some people will lie and say they prefer small intimate rooms but there’s nothing better than putting on a sharp suit and performing for a thousand people.

Tell us the last time you laughed til you cried?
I was re watching an old episode of Seinfeld and discovered this fine moment:

Jerry: “Kramer are you reading the VCR manual?”
Kramer: “Well, we can’t all read the classics, Professor Highbrow!”

I rolled around my apartment floor for about 5 minutes.

When did you realize you were funny?
I always liked telling jokes and making people laugh but the idea to become a comedian I think sprouted in high school. I was very opinionated as a teenager but whenever I expressed myself seriously people would just laugh in my face. Maybe they were all high… or maybe I was funny. Maybe both! In any case I think that’s where my comedy was born… Getting mad about things nobody really cares about. That’s the real Ivan Decker experience. IT’S ALWAYS TOO HOT ON THE BUS!

Who was your comedic mentor when you were coming into the life?
I’ve probably watched Jerry Seinfeld’s “Comedian” documentary about 60 times. But in terms of real life people I was really fortunate that a few of the more established comics on the scene really helped me out. Guys like Lachlan Patterson and Dave Nystrom to name a couple. So much of comedy is things you need to discover for yourself but they helped me with the basics like “move the mic stand out of the way” or “Don’t let a couple heckling douchebags from Surrey make you feel like you can’t do this. They are cowards that shout from the dark.”

You’ve become a staple at the Vancouver Comedy Fest, what’s it like to rep Vancouver stand up?
It’s pretty dope. When people want to do stage time in this city now they have to bring gifts to my family.

Quintessential Vancouver moment?
I was walking through Gas Town on the way to Waterfront station. It was a cold rainy day in November. Tourists were taking pictures of the steam clock and the 12 o’clock cruise ship horn that sounds like the opening chords of “O Canada” could be heard over the hustle and bustle of homeless people asking for money to look after the cars of people parking and cab drivers honking at everyone and everything.

I had just purchased a 16 oz Americano from an independent coffee shop and scoffed slightly as I walked by Starbucks with my unmarked cup proudly displayed in front of me. As I arrived at the steam clock I became annoyed by the amount of people blocking the sidewalk to photograph a rather unremarkable outdoor grandfather clock. I decided to try to avoid the crowd by darting in between a tree and a line of newspaper boxes featuring various publications containing pop culture nonsense and sudoku puzzles.

As I stepped on the metal grate that covered the tree roots I realized very quickly that painted metal coated in rain water didn’t exactly have the traction to support my current speed and direction. Before I could make any mathematical adjustments to my travel however, I hit the ground so hard that everyone around stopped what they were doing and looked just in time to see me throw my pretentious coffee across the street, narrowly missing a bike courier. I quickly apologized to everyone and attempted to untangle my headphones from my scarf as I hurried away to get on the sky train without paying for a ticket.

It was embarrassing at first but then I realized I’m probably internet famous on some sort of Korean “Fail Blog” equivalent.
If you couldn’t be you, which Ivan would you be?
Probably Ivan Oiser. He was a Doctor and a 25 time fencing champion with 3 different swords. Chicks love a Doctor that can use sweet swords. Also he wasn’t a big fan of Nazis. BONUS POINTS!

You are an animal or exhibit at the zoo – which are you?
Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, TIGER UPPERCUT! ….Sorry can you repeat the question?

Ivan Decker has got a weekend of headlining coming up at the end of this month at the Comedy Mix here in Vancouver March 28 – 30; he’s on twitter @Ivandecker; he is featured in the current issue of discorder; AND he’s appearing in an amazing comedy show March 16th for Sad Mag!!

Who are you?
I am Andy Kallstrom, a comedian who lives in Vancouver. I think my wikipedia page says it best though:

Andy Kallstrom does not meet the notability guidelines for inclusion in Wikipedia.

How did you get involved in the comedy scene in Vancouver?
When I moved to Vancouver a co-worker of mine told me I should go to an open mic. So I did. Sorry, that’s not very interesting.

But wait! What if I told you the co-worker was Oprah?? Whoa!

What was the first comedic performance that you felt proud of?
One time when my dad was in the audience and I totally dismantled this heckler. I forget what I said exactly, but it was about waffles or pancakes.

It made me realize it’s possible to be funny even when you say things you didn’t write down beforehand.

What do you think the comedy scene in Vancouver is lacking?
I wish there were more shows that happened around three in the afternoon, before I get all sleepy (which happens at about 5:30).

Favourite Vancouver comic(s)?
Vancouver has lots and lots of great comics. I don’t think I can narrow it down to the unlimited number you’ve allowed me to choose here.

Favourite comedic genre?
I like smart, silly things.

Where are you as you answer these questions?
Just at home, which sounds kind of disappointing, but I live in the Eiffel Tower with my mystery solving dog.

Last album you listened to?
According to my Youtube history, the last three songs I listened to are: Pony by Ginuwine, The Monorail song from The Simpsons, and Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush. I think I must have been trying to cheer myself up and failing.

What are you most excited about right now?
Generally: That guy who wants to send a retired couple to Mars.

Personally: There’s a good chance I’m moving to England soon.

In the lead-up to Sad Mag’s epic com­edy night, Laugh/Cry, on March 16th, we are cel­e­brat­ing our comic line-up with a series of inter­views with Vancouver’s most notable, potable comedians.

Get it while it’s hot! Sad Mag’s Jackie Hoffart interviews Rachel Burns!

Rachel Burns, Red Balloon: Photo by Katy Wood

Who are you?
friend. daughter. ex step-sister. sleeper. common-law spouse.

How did you get involved with sadmag’s laugh/cry event?
A text message came from my friend and I said yes.

If the comedy of Rachel Burns was a basket at whole foods, what would be inside?
I’d say there would be some comfort foods – maybe a chickpea curry; something that will make you feel secure and also full but not stuffed. Definitely an item with incongruent packaging, like tofu with a penguin on the outside. A dented eggplant that you kind of feel sorry for, but not enough to send it back. Something you’ll never actually use but you bought impulsively, like a giant bag of organic pine nuts. Dried beans that you’ll never get around to soaking—even though you promised your naturopath you would do it, over and over again.

Why did you start doing stand-up?
I needed a new avenue to explore feelings of extreme anxiety and failure? With unrelenting elation mixed in, for good measure.

What kinds of things make one show good or another show bad?
Some shows are definitely setup to be more fun than others. But… the tricky thing about being in some sort of post-apocalyptic hellscape (aka sports bar in the suburbs) is that you still might have fun on stage. There is something about a guy in a UFC tshirt saying I was funny that means something to me. And there’s something to be said for learning to not make assumptions about who your audience is. That said, any show with a private bathroom and a fruit basket is nice. (It happened once.)

Have you ever tried improv?
Yes! I tried improv and it was really hard. I learned that it’s completely different to premeditate and rely on just yourself (as with standup) than have someone gently encourage you to be a cactus (as with improv). I have a huge fear of letting people down—even inanimate objects. (When the House of Clogs near my apartment closed, I felt sad / somewhat responsible. If only I had liked clogs more!) So I have a lot of respect for people who can do that; jump in and trust and be physical and participate.

How do your comedy chops help you most in everyday life?
It helps make life a bit more tolerable? Recently I had a somewhat terrifying experience climbing a volcano, and the only thing that kept me going was thinking of how I could make fun of it later. It’s channeling that moment where you cry in front of a 14 year old and decide that it’s all “experience” for “comedy” that can help justify your inept social interaction.

If money weren’t an issue, what would you do with your time?
I’d probably live part-time in an ashram, spend lots of time with my 7 new dogs, fly to somewhere sunny every week, I don’t know. Lots of eavesdropping at fancy mom restaurant lunches for screenplays I’d never complete?

In all honesty, removing all excuses to not be working harder towards my dreams sounds stressful; I’d probably watch a lot of Wheel and become comfortably rubenesque. I’d like to spend time administrating the dreams of others—that seems like a worthy and less risky pursuit.

Favourite semi-recent tweet:
I AM LIVING PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK AND ALL OF MY MONEY GOES TO BALLOON GRAMS  – paul f tompkins

Sad Mag also enjoys Rachel’s twitterfeed, like, a lot. @analog_r

Cameron MacLeod

Who are you? What are you EVEN DOING HERE?
My name is Cameron MacLeod. I do comedy stuff (Sketch, Improv, Curation/Production of festivals).

Currently I’m working on a feature length film Steel Viper Force as well as some video sketch. I produce and host the HERO show at the China Cloud theatre and perform bi-weekly with Instant Theatre at Havanna on Commercial. I am also recording a new record with the Vancouver Rap group Too High Crew under the alias ClamDigga.

You’ve graced the pages of SadMag’s Glamour issue and been a sultry centre spread for Discorder. What’s it’s like to be a major sex symbol in the Vancouver comedy scene? 
That’s weird to think about. I don’t consider myself a sex symbol because I definitely don’t hit the gym enough. But if other people want to that’s obviously cool with me.

[Eds. Note: this is total bull, Cam totally has pictures of himself in his wallet, I know it. I bet the pony tail/no pony tail debate takes him HOURS every morning.]

What’s Cam MacLeod experience?
At the return of the HERO show I opened the show by seducing the audience with Roses, cheeseburgers and shots of Blue Alize to the song “Thinkin bout you” by Frank Ocean. That’s about as close to the Cam MacLeod experience as you can get.

When/why was the last time you laughed til you cried? 
I was probably on mushrooms. I always end up laugh crying and sounding like a Hyena.

Who was your comedic mentor when you were coming into the life? 
I’d say Aubrey Tennant had an impact. He doesn’t do comedy anymore but he was hilarious and I produced my first comedy show at DV8 restaurant with him. He also produced Softcore Comedy at the Cobalt with Paul Anthony before Paul started Talent Time. I remember one show where they both wore diapers on stage and weren’t allowed to go to the bathroom during the show. They both definitely pee’d in those diapers. Some of Aubrey’s spilled out onto the stage. That’s commitment.

When did you realize you were funny?
The first time I realized what a fart was, where it was coming from and that I could make them happen.

What’s the funniest place in Vancouver?
The International Village, aka Tinsel Town. That mall has the weirdest shops in it. Everything is out of place and seems like it’s some kind of front. It’s the perfect place to buy a cashmere sweater, a weed leaf belt buckle with a knife in it, and then eat some Taco Time.

Quintessential Vancouver moment?
I did shots of Jameson’s with Mayor Gregor Robertson after producing his Roast for the OLIO Festival (R.I.P.Olio). But I’d say a great Vancouver day is spent at the beach in the summer followed by a bike ride to any of the Comedy or Music shows happening in Vancouver on a regular basis. There are too many good options to list.

FMK – Gregor Robinson, Sean Devlin, your clone.
I would “F” Gregor Robertson, Marry Sean Devlin, and kill my clone before he tries to kill me.

Who and what do you recommend?

The Sad Mag Laugh/Cry Comedy show at the Toast Collective on March 16th.

The next HERO show is on May 2nd at the China Cloud.

Like The HERO SHOW on facebook for all updates and show times

Follow me on twitter @ClamMacleod and here are some of my friends…
@shitharperdid
@thesundayserv
@_LittleMountain
@EastVanComedy
@abeautifulpodcast
@curtisgrauher
@STEELVIPERFORCE
@itstomhill
@DrGMackenzie
@InstantTheatre

In the lead-up to Sad Mag’s epic comedy night, Laugh/Cry, on March 16th, we are celebrating our comic line-up with a series of interviews with Vancouver’s most notable, potable comedians…

alistair cook

Alistair Cook, AKA “The Godfather,” is the founder of Vancouver’s Instant Theatre Company. Cook, who has twenty years of experience performing, producing, and instructing improvisation, is also the former president and National Artistic Director of the Canadian Improv Games, which holds a tournament every year in Ottawa featuring the most talented high school teams. Cook chatted with Sad Mag contributor Darren Li about changing vocations, gullibility and bringing improv into every day life.

Darren Li: In your opinion, Alistair, what makes improvisation more appealing than all the other branches of theatre?

Alistair Cook: Live theatre speaks – live experience always stands out more because it’s so much more energetic.

DL: What is the most useful skill that you can master when it comes to improvisation?

AC: Being present in the moment. Not thinking about what is going to happen two minutes later or what happened two minutes before.

DL: According to the Vancouver Sun, you had a sponsor and were planning on becoming a professional snowboarder, until you broke your leg. Explain the transition you made from snowboarding to the theatre business. What specifically made you want to pursue a different goal?

AC: The fact that I was a young man in high school. I took drama instead of physical education when I was in rehabilitation and found that acting gave me an exciting adrenaline rush equal to the rush I experienced while snowboarding.

DL: Does having so much experience in improvisation influence how you perceive events and how you interact with people in your everyday life?

AC: Yes, there are two ways. The first is that I am more comfortable in my organization skills and am better at fixing problems when they come up. The second way, which is negative, is that it has made me a more gullible person. On the stage, you have to believe everything your partner says, but in real life, that is not always the case.

DL: Improvisation puts great emphasis on comedy. Have you always been a funny person?

AC: Not really, I am funnier on the stage than when I’m off the stage.

DL: A question from all the aspiring actors, how would taking some of your classes or workshops help them in developing their acting skills?

AC: They would learn the skill of being present in the motivation of your character. It is essential in acting and improv teaches you to be present in the moment. Things don’t always go as planned on stage, scripted or not.

DL: As the former president and National Artistic Director of the Canadian Improv Games, you say that the games have been a “tremendous training ground for actors” (Vancouver Sun). How so?

AC: The alumni base is huge, there are over 2000 kids involved every year. The improv games have been a great starting base for actors who are now famous including Seth Rogen and Sandra Oh.

The Instant Theatre Company provides classes, workshops and holds monthly shows for people looking to expand their interest in improv.

Theatre Conspiracy‘s Extraction uses an innovative mix of real stories and audience participation to get under the surface of the workings of the international oil industry, focusing particularly on its effects on Beijing and Fort McMurray. Extraction‘s three storytellers are not professional theatre performers – Jimmy Mitchell, a Canadian journalist and diplomat who spent the majority of his career in China and Taiwan, grinned as he told the audience that once he finished a degree in theatre, he knew he was done with acting forever. Jason Wilson is a member of the Dene and Gitxsan nations who worked as an oil worker and a safety inspector on the Fort McMurray tarsands. He won the crowd over by welcoming “the chiefs, the honoured guests, and the rest of ya.” And Sunny Sun is a Chinese academic from Beijing who recently immigrated to Vancouver. All three have an appealing stage presence that more than makes up for a lack of polish. Extraction feels more like a conversation with friendly raconteurs than a political diatribe.

This casual feel is belied by the play’s digs at government and corporate hypocrisy and dissembling. Wilson’s tales of oil company neglect of worker safety and a hear-no-evil attitude towards whistleblowers intertwine with Mitchell and Sun’s anecdotes about the Chinese government’s reinterpretation of everyday life in Beijing. Sun and Mitchell switch between Chinese and English throughout the play, and the three performers focus on the ambiguities of language and translation, telling funny stories of the misunderstandings language barriers cause.

These gaps take on a more sinister tinge when the script compares the Canadian government’s insistence on calling the extraction fields oilsands rather than tarsands to the government of China blithely referring to Beijing’s deadly smog as “fog.” The discursive nature of Extraction‘s format means that some of the performer’s stories don’t cohere with the play’s larger themes. Yet the audience leaves with a sense of really having gotten to know the three lives at Extraction‘s centre.

The democratic approach to storytelling is reinforced by a charmingly lo-fi audience poll using text message, about questions ranging from whether the audience members used a car to get to the theatre to who should have the right to decide the proper terms for the tarsands. The backdrop screen shows Mandarin and English subtitles in beautiful scripts, as well as photos and clever animations. The stage’s ingenious hidden drawers demonstrate exactly how much tarsand was used in the making of Extraction, though the calculation did not take into account a very professionally handled mid-show fire alarm. Despite the deafening bell, the polite Canadian audience did not start leaving their seats until Mitchell assured us that the alarm was not part of the script. On our way out one theatregoer joked that it must have been Stephen Harper shutting down dissent.

Ironically, Theatre Conspiracy received the funding to research and produce Extraction by winning the Rio Tinto Alcan Performing Arts Award, an endowment created by a Canadian mining company. The Rio Tinto executive spoke after the play to announce this year’s endowment recipient, and appeared suitably abashed by the play he had unleashed on the world. Making company flacks feel uncomfortable is just one good reason to see this insightful exploration into the industry that just might end up defining our country’s future.

Extraction runs until March 9th at the Cultch. Tickets at thecultch.com or call 604.251.1363