Don’t worry, children! Nana is back with guidance for all your problems and worries. And if that doesn’t help, there’s always liquor.

On to the questions!

My boyfriend skipped Valentine’s Day altogether. He thinks it’s a made-up holiday designed to sell people things, which might be true, but is it so wrong to expect him to show some sign of love on a holiday dedicated to showing signs of love? I feel resentful.

well darling, first i must ask, does he show “signs of love” the rest of the year? is it chocolates and flowers that makes you feel loved? i mean really, there are so many reasons to feel resentful  in this life, don’t let this one be one of them. now if he doesn’t give you the chocolates and flowers that you love on your birthday, then i would worry and look elsewhere for love!

if valentine day is that important to you and not to him, cover yourself  in chocolate and makehim eat it all off… pooff, no more resentment!
I am in a new relationship with someone who was initially more into kink than I was. I am admittedly vanilla. As we’ve been trying more things (bondage, ropes, spanking etc) it’s becoming more obvious that I am REALLY into kink—there are somethings I’d like to try, but I don’t think she’d be into. Advice?

mmmm, admittedly vanilla… really? already tried bondage, spanking, ropes…. i want to know what the “etc” were.

darling, though i would love to radicalize vanilla, you probably never were, “vanilla.” i’d say you were at least neopolitan.  just enjoy all the kinky sex you are having in your new relationship, and please darlings, be safe, it’s all fun and games until someone loses something somewhere dangerous, or loses an eye. and by the way, you might be underestimating your new mate, why would they not want to do some other new things with you, to you? everything tells me you will be pleasantly surprised! ENJOY!

I am one of those unfortunate people who moved across the country for their significant other. Now that we’ve broken up I feel like crap because all of our friends were mutual (as in his). Should I give up my job/flat etc and just move home?

oh sweet soul, shit happens as they say in english… firstly i am sorry and hope that you do what is best for your emotional and
physical health. however, what we do in these situations can go a long way in this life. we can either make lemonades out of lemons, or make everyone’s (especially our own) lives as complicated and painful as possible.

so, how crucial is your job to your future and present? is your flat a rental? is the breakup is final? depending on your answers, you might want to try a third place, not home, not across the country, but a third place where you can make your own friends and break old patterns instead of hearts.

you will be happy again, choose wisely, this will change your life forever! good luck darling.

I just started dating a girl who I really like. About a week ago I met some of her best friends for the first time, and one of them is a girl I had previously had really hot, no-strings-attached sex with . It was awkward because we pretended not to know each other, rather than explain our connection. Now what? Do I admit that we do in fact know each other, and tell my girlfriend how? Or do I keep silent and hope the other girl does too?

that’s a good one. it is interesting that you both pretended not to know eachother… mmm… why  the mystery unless you are afraid of something or someone’s reaction. fear is never a good thing in my book, unless it enhances your present sex life with your girlfriend. if your sex life and relationship is respectful and realistic, you will already know what tramps you’ve been in your pasts and move on!

i would say tell your girlfriend about the hot sex you had with one of her friends, before someone else does… because one thing about women sweetheart, WE TALK, and that can be more dangerous and complicating then not telling. of course, then have the hottest, strings-and-ropes-attached sex with her… good luck!

Send your questions to Nana at asknana@sadmag.ca!

okay folks, this is your nana speaking, i will keep it real and honest with my answers to your queeries. please remember to remember that i am old and a transplant of sorts myself here from sarajevo, and may or may not always be able to relate to us all. i will try though, and make shit up if i have to. all i know is love is love is love is love! so here it goes!

My partner and I are experimenting with having an open relationship. So far, it’s been fine because we’ve never run into each other on our respective “dates.” We both want to go to a mutual friend’s birthday party with our dates to see how it feels. Any advice?

1: don’t go to the same party unless you enjoy some very SPECIAL possibilities, and are really REALLY “open” to that…
2: go to the same party, you’ll run into eachother at the same party sooner or later anyway, get it over with and SEE how wide open you really are…
3: have group sex, cognac afterwards, in vintagewarm glassware, and go to sleep

My girlfriend made a comment about me being a bad kisser recently. It’s not the first time it’s happened with a girlfriend. I am starting to feel really self conscious, to the point that I don’t want to kiss her before sticking my hand in her pants. What do I do?

1: unfortunately, this is often a deal breaker when it comes to sexual intimacy.  why don’t you write back and tell us what makes you a bad kisser? are you dry kissing with bad breath, or drooling out of control with your tongue in places it has no business being at? you say this isn’t the first time, hmmmm…. how into these women are you, were you? if you are really into your girlfriend, i would ask her to show you how she wants to be kissed, relax and lock those lips together.
2: try not sticking your hands down her pants until your kisses make her defenseless, at least for a little while…
3: agree to have sex without kissing and see if she misses your bad kisses… good luck!

I’m in love with this person, who is perfect in ever way, but picks her nose and wipes it on the sheets. I’ve put Kleenex by the bed and made playful jokes, but it’s snot making a difference. Now she does it when she thinks I’m not looking. What’s a polite way to get her to stop?

1: well, if your lover is perfect in everyway, except with the snot business, you are not telling us the truth! and why be polite, too late for that, considering it is down right rude to sleep in snot with your loved ones, unless they are babies or ill. so i would pull a dick van dyke and get twin beds side by side with your own night tables. while you are at it, buy yourself some bright yellow egyptian cotton bedsheets and purple satin pillow cases.  she can snot all over her own bedsheets anytime she likes, but not on yours. problem solved, since everything else is perfect, you two are set!
2: withhold sex until she sees the wrongness of her disgusting habit and stops the snotting around,
3: this could be worse than you think, check other places, like under tables, walls and curtains.

Does everyone pee in the shower? It seems like I’m the only person who (a) hasn’t heard of it and (b) thinks it’s disgusting.

1: okay, you are very special if you don’t ever pee in the shower. so, no you are not the only one my dear girl. it is perfectly natural and satisfying, to say the least! if it disgusts your romantic shower partners, don’t tell them you are doing it, or don’t do it when they are in the shower with you. cleanest place to have a nice warm tinkle i say!
2:  i heard from a couple of young men today that peeing on your feet in the shower is a good idea for all sorts of ailments.
3: have a pissing contest and make new friends.

Do you have a question for Nana? Send it to asknana (at) sadmag.ca