okay folks, this is your nana speaking, i will keep it real and honest with my answers to your queeries. please remember to remember that i am old and a transplant of sorts myself here from sarajevo, and may or may not always be able to relate to us all. i will try though, and make shit up if i have to. all i know is love is love is love is love! so here it goes!

My partner and I are experimenting with having an open relationship. So far, it’s been fine because we’ve never run into each other on our respective “dates.” We both want to go to a mutual friend’s birthday party with our dates to see how it feels. Any advice?

1: don’t go to the same party unless you enjoy some very SPECIAL possibilities, and are really REALLY “open” to that…
2: go to the same party, you’ll run into eachother at the same party sooner or later anyway, get it over with and SEE how wide open you really are…
3: have group sex, cognac afterwards, in vintagewarm glassware, and go to sleep

My girlfriend made a comment about me being a bad kisser recently. It’s not the first time it’s happened with a girlfriend. I am starting to feel really self conscious, to the point that I don’t want to kiss her before sticking my hand in her pants. What do I do?

1: unfortunately, this is often a deal breaker when it comes to sexual intimacy.  why don’t you write back and tell us what makes you a bad kisser? are you dry kissing with bad breath, or drooling out of control with your tongue in places it has no business being at? you say this isn’t the first time, hmmmm…. how into these women are you, were you? if you are really into your girlfriend, i would ask her to show you how she wants to be kissed, relax and lock those lips together.
2: try not sticking your hands down her pants until your kisses make her defenseless, at least for a little while…
3: agree to have sex without kissing and see if she misses your bad kisses… good luck!

I’m in love with this person, who is perfect in ever way, but picks her nose and wipes it on the sheets. I’ve put Kleenex by the bed and made playful jokes, but it’s snot making a difference. Now she does it when she thinks I’m not looking. What’s a polite way to get her to stop?

1: well, if your lover is perfect in everyway, except with the snot business, you are not telling us the truth! and why be polite, too late for that, considering it is down right rude to sleep in snot with your loved ones, unless they are babies or ill. so i would pull a dick van dyke and get twin beds side by side with your own night tables. while you are at it, buy yourself some bright yellow egyptian cotton bedsheets and purple satin pillow cases.  she can snot all over her own bedsheets anytime she likes, but not on yours. problem solved, since everything else is perfect, you two are set!
2: withhold sex until she sees the wrongness of her disgusting habit and stops the snotting around,
3: this could be worse than you think, check other places, like under tables, walls and curtains.

Does everyone pee in the shower? It seems like I’m the only person who (a) hasn’t heard of it and (b) thinks it’s disgusting.

1: okay, you are very special if you don’t ever pee in the shower. so, no you are not the only one my dear girl. it is perfectly natural and satisfying, to say the least! if it disgusts your romantic shower partners, don’t tell them you are doing it, or don’t do it when they are in the shower with you. cleanest place to have a nice warm tinkle i say!
2:  i heard from a couple of young men today that peeing on your feet in the shower is a good idea for all sorts of ailments.
3: have a pissing contest and make new friends.

Do you have a question for Nana? Send it to asknana (at) sadmag.ca